Eat, Drink, Chew

The view of St Paul's

Tonight I have feasted myself to the point of almost sickness on John Torode’s sexual culinary delights. I had never been to his restaurant at Smiths of Smithfields before but I will definitely be going again. Incredible food and an incredible view of the city.

After last night’s pork belly assault the last thing I wanted to see was a tray of pork bleeding belly, but the canapés started doing the rounds and out came the pork belly. And I ate one. After scoffing at least eight squares of the stuff last night I actually picked one up and put it in my mouth. Sometimes I really do disgust myself. I’m not going to lie, I even went in for a second, but as soon as it got in my mouth I knew I couldn’t do it so had to spit it into a napkin.

Classy as ever.

Seafood Heaven!

After a serious canapé serving we sat down for dinner. Each table was given two humongous seafood platters…then starters…main…desert…AND then cheese and biscuits. So.Much.Food.

The poor girl sitting next to me, who shall remain nameless because she’s lovely, picked a fight with a lobster claw from the amazing seafood platter and royally lost. It exploded and literally splattered like an egg ALL over her face. Like, ALL over. I was very mature and just helped her pick it off. But if it had been my best mate I would have been on the floor.

Looking like a dwarf next to Daisy

When I reached the point where I could no longer physically eat or drink another thing because I was on the verge of overflowing, I thanked Johnny T for such a delightful spread had a quick chat with the incredibly stunning and incredibly tall Daisy Lowe (she told me she was wearing jewellery worth a million quid (!) so was shitting it) and headed home.

It was the Wrigley’s Eat, Drink, Chew event, so I got given a goodie bag rammed with gum and was so busy trying to gather it all up I missed my bleeding tube stop and ended up in Hammersmith! Gutted. And I hadn’t done a safety wee before leaving Smithfields, so by the time I eventually managed to get to Fulham it was a definite code red. Rookie error of the highest level.

Oh well, at least the chewing gums are on me. Kids.

Playing Out At Virgin Media's House

Because I know I’m going to be out of action for weeks (actual sob) I wanted to go out with a bang – er OK, a boozy bang, so I practically clicked my heels Simon and the Witch style when two great events turned up in two days.

The first was tonight and it was without doubt one of the most bizarre but totally brilliant nights out I have had in ages.

To launch their new TiVo Virgin threw a crazy-ass bash at Virgin Media’s very own private members club, Our House on Greek Street. It’s such a top venue. Loads of different rooms and they certainly made the most of it.

THE Bet Lynch

There was a disco room with a mirrored floor, a bar room where the real, actual Bet Lynch was wearing top to toe leopard print and pulling pints...

Can't beat a bit of Bully

A games room where the real, actual legends Keith Chegwin and Les Denis were hosting Play Your Cards Right, Bullseye and Catchprase...

Getting Big Fat Gypsy-Essex'd up

A Strictly Big Fat Essex Room where you could dress up in all kinds of hilarious crap and have your picture taken with the real, actual Sam and Jessica from TOWIE and a boys room with beer, doritoes and football on the TV.

Bloody brilliant.

I’ve come home with two cuddly toys, a Countdown board game and an Essex sign – sweeeet! 

AND a belly FULL of pork belly canapes. Not so sweeeet!

I don’t even like pork for gawd’s sake.

Rank.

Kerry Katona Does GOSS

Kerry Katona joined me in the office today to guest edit GOSS. I don’t know why she gets so much flack for putting weight on – she is TINY.

Still a bit whacko, but in a good way, and still very cheeky. There was plenty of sneaky tongue sticking out and v-sign flicking  while we were sat at my desk having snaps done for the column. Fruitcake.

She’s very shy and nervous though and felt really intimidated being in a live newsroom. She kept hanging onto my arm bless her.

I interviewed her when all the photo business was done and we had a right laugh. She’s on her own little Kerry planet, but I think it’s a fun place to live. She had me in stitches. She revealed she’s gagging to land a role in the next series of Benidorm and will definitely be releasing some solo ‘dance-y’ music. I asked her who she’d like to work with expecting her to say someone ‘dance-y…but no. Kerry Katona wants to collaborate with Rod Stewart. God love her.

She brought her ITV2 film crew in with her and when I told my mates the first thing at least five of them said was ‘Son, seriously NO gum’.

Pete Editing GOSS with me Sept '10

The last guest edit I did was with Peter Andre. I had a great time with him and he had his ITV2 film crew with him too.

We both had gum, but him being a pro managed to stick his to the roof of his mouth or something while we were chatting, but me, I was proper going for it.

I know this for a fact because on one episode of his Peter Andre: The Next Chapter show I’m there for a good few minutes interviewing him chewing gum like my life depended on it.

Literally like a cow chewing her cud.

Mortified. 

Alton Towers

When I say Alton you say Towers. ALTON. TOWERS!

I popped my Alton Towers cherry this weekend. It hurt but woooooo it was fun!

It was the season re-opening so a load of us showbiz journos and a few celebs got invited to go wild for the weekend.

I had a plus one, so I took my trusty side-kick/partner in crime Steph (Neffers) B. Work hired me some wheels so we bombed it up the country early doors yesterday morning.

Four hours and a few Colin the Caterpillars later, we arrived and we didn’t mess about. Straight in there with a bit of Oblivion. We were lucky enough to be given a priority pass which meant we could literally queue jump so we just boshed out all the big guns without even really thinking about what we were doing. 

Taking a beating on Rita

So after Oblivion (gulp) we did Thirteen (loved it), Rita (my brain fell outta my ass), Hex (WTF? Evil!) and Air (bonkers) all in about two hours. For the first time in my life I finally understood the meaning of not knowing your arse from your elbow. I was battered. I could barely even walk let alone remember my own name. But the thing with thrill seeking is, you always want just a little bit more.

So we did Nemesis.

And then we were royally fooked. We were silent the whole way back to the hotel – a first for me and Neff and then just cabbaged in our beds.

Ruined.

With Danielle

When we finally had a word with ourselves we went for dinner and bumped into Danielle Lloyd her fella Jamie O’Hara and their gorgeous little man Archie. Was great to see them, but poor Dani was feeling really ill with morning sickness bless her.

And then we got nice and drunk on free plonk with a load of the other journos, a few Corrie and Hollyoaks people and Katie Price. Well, she was in the same room with her latest victim that Argentinian hunk Leandro Penna. But obviously she thinks all of us journos are more vile than a diarrhea dog shite so didn’t speak to us.

She’s like a Dementor. She literally sucks the fun out of everything.

Me and Steph with James from Star on Sunday and his hunk

The Pricey threw a paddy in the hotel reception this morning too, just because I happened to be sitting there having a cup of tea. Yes, I’m a journalist but my sole purpose in life isn’t to stalk Kate Price. I do do other things too. Like drink tea and sit in a hotel reception for four hours so I’m sober enough to drive home.

Looking pasty with Sam and Joey

Luckily Sam Faires and Joey Essex from The Only Way Is Essex rocked up and it’s impossible to not have a laugh with them. Joey had just had his first ever spray tan and was BRIGHT orange. And smelt like a biscuit. He’s such a loveable plonker, he kept saying to me: ‘It’s really bad, innit? I look really orange, don’t I? I didn’t know fake tans got this bright. Seriously, I kept scrubbing my face this morning. I’m surprised I didn’t rip my skin off.’

Love Joey Essex. 100 percent.

After all that and the four hour drive home I am now monged on my bed, sipping green tea to try and aid my raspy voice which took a battering from all the screaming on those damn rides.

To be honest, I can’t see me moving from this position for a while.

The Vanessa Show...And A Bit Of Nintendo

Today has been one of those ace days that come totally out of the blue and are full of randomness but totally rock your world.

I was a guest on The Vanessa Show on Channel 5 so after getting the list for conference done, I got driven over to the studio in Whitleys.

I was on the first part of the show with Bianca Gascoigne and another pundit bloke to chat about living to be the ripe old age of 100.

I know Vanessa can be a bit feisty and can sometimes give people a run for their money, but she was nothing but lovely to me and I really, really enjoyed being on.

Although she did bloody ask me how old I am. On live TV! She floored me. ‘Hi I’m Sonja, I’m 31…’ was out of my mouth before I could even think. What a plum. Clearly I’m 28. Yep, definitely 28. TWENTY-EIGHT…plus three.

Oh whatevs, being 31 is cool. At least I don’t have to shit myself anymore about being dirty 30.

One of my best mates called me on my way back to the office and said she’d watched with her four year old son and he had said ‘Mummy, Auntie Sonja is on the TV. Does she know? Can you call Auntie Sonja now and tell her she’s on the TV? Can she say hello to me?’

God, kids really are the total nuts. I love ‘em!

It was the Nintendo 3DS launch party tonight at Old Billinsgate which is right next door to my office so I was planning to just sit at my desk like a lemon for an hour until I felt it acceptable to turn up without looking like a total keeno. But the very lovely Jeff Brazier had finished up for the day too and was killing time before the party, so we went for a quick drink where I normally go for boozy work lunches, The Folly (nr Monument).

He is an absolute ledge. The nicest, most friendly, genuine, funny, down to earth bloke I have probably ever met. He told me he looks at life like it’s a ‘roast chicken’ because he just loves it. What an incredible way to be and what an amazing way to look at life. Top lad. And verrrrry handsome.

The Nintendo party was really fun, but my gorgeous little cous Lauren was having birthday drinks in Angel so when my BFF Steph turned up at Billingsgate we headed over to her. And picked up two Caterpillar cakes on the way to make up for being so disgustingly late.

Plan B was performing at Nintendo, so after my cous’ drinks me and Steph headed back, but we’d missed him. So we had a few more snidey vodkas, naturally, and headed home. 

Which is where WE are now. In my bed, watching Rocky and eating M&S good for you Popcorn. Oh hello again 1998!

I definitely can’t say I was expecting any of this when I woke up this morning but I wouldn’t change a second.

Super Moon!

The moon tonight was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. In my life.

I had no idea there was going to be a ‘supermoon’ so it came as a moon-sized surprise when this humongous moon of beauty suddenly appeared in the sky.

Super Moon!

I was driving back to my parents in Essex and then BOOM! There it was! HUGE MOON!
I actually even nearly missed my exit off the motorway because I was so mesmerised.

It was so big and so low, I was convinced I could touch it. It felt like if I got to the end of that road I would have arrived at the moon.
Gutted I was driving, otherwise I would have snapped the hell out of it. Would have loved to have got a pic.

As soon as I got to my mum and dad’s the first thing I said was ‘have you seen the moon?!’ I don’t even think I said hello. They hadn't (!) so we ran around the front garden but nothing, so then we ran around the house looking out of every window but it was so low we couldn’t see it.

I kid you not, for at least the next hour all I kept banging on about was the Moon. I'm surprised the poor mum and dad didn't shove me back in the car and tell me to bugger off back to Fulham.


* Now for the science bit...apparently it's the closest the moon has been to the Earth for 18 years so that's why is was so big and bright *

I’m still thinking about amazing Mr Supermoon now. Yep, seeing that incredible big moon has definitely affected me.


I felt the urge to buy a scratch card this afternoon while I was out lunching in High St Ken with Producer Stu (he told me I was a pikey for buying it!) - but with all the moon excitement I forgot to scratch it off until just now. And I only bloody won £20! Get in! I’ve never won more than two quid on one of those badboys before.
Oh yeah, and I got given a free pair of shoes when I went to Fearne Cotton's launch of her new Very range on Tuesday!

See, I’ve been Moonied, I know it.

P.S Who's the pikey now Stu, eh?


P.P.S If there was an award for how many times you can write the word 'moon' in one blog post - that gong would definitely be mine.

W = Wild

The W

I’ve just rolled in from one of the most barmy parties I’ve been to in ages. If not ever. It was the launch of the W London Hotel in Leicester Square and it was off the scale weird and wild.

I was a bit drunk when I arrived, so that probably made everything seem a bit wilder, but I’m convinced even if I’d been stone cold I would have felt like I was in a Tim Burton flick.

I went to a charity dinner at a the Park Plaza hotel on the South Bank first but the eating time kept getting pushed back and back which meant we all got spannered on champagne before we were even introduced to the free vino on our table.

Although I don’t think any of us were as shite-faced as Elen Rivas. She was dressed as a ‘pimp’ and was with a load of her girl mates who she assured me were her ‘whores’. Lovely. Apparently she was the first one to arrive at 7pm (embarrassing) and clearly got straight on it. I’m pretty sure she’ll be feeling butters tomorrow. 

I finally got away about 10pm and the lovely Hannah from Reveal mag decided she wanted in on the W action so we jumped in a cab...

The theme was ‘London Calling’ so the hotel was split into North, East, South and West London and I’m convinced each area we went into was more mental than the one we’d just left.

I saw the very lovely David Gandy in ‘West London’ and he told me ‘East London’ was rocking a bit of naked ass. But I had no idea quite how much naked ass I was in for. We got the lift up to East and literally, it was wall-to-wall naked butt crack. It was like some kind of crazy carnival, people dressed up, people coming out of the hotel rooms. There was even a Whatever/Whenever room where, for a donation to charity, you could have a private burlesque show complete with naked men getting in and out of the bath.

And cock cakes. Yep, cakes with cocks on. Hannah bought one too, the minx.

The Moss arriving at the bash

It was rammed and impossible to find anyone because there were so many areas and lifts going up and down to the different floors all the time. I did see party veteran Jade Jagger, Alexa Chung spinning the tunage on the decks, Boy George, Graham Norton (random) and I can’t remember who else. But I do remember I didn’t see The Moss. Gutted. She was in there, but knowing how much of a caner she is, she was probably having an even more wild party in one of the rooms.

Massively wish I’d sacked off the dinner and just had a whole night in that wacky world now.

And I definitely want to go back and check out the hotel when I’m not bongoed. It’s a proper cool and lush central hotel…even with the copious amounts of naked ass.

Oh gawd, bring on the champagne, wine, vodka hangover in’t morn.

Baby Boom

Crikey, 2011 is certainly the year of the celebrity baby. It feels like every week another celeb joins the up the duff club.

Victoria Beckham, Holly Willoughby, Myleene Klass, Emma Bunton, Danielle Lloyd, Kym Marsh, Claudia Winkleman…Abbey Clancy’s just popped out Sophia Ruby (cute name)…

But the last person I expected to get one in the oven in 2011 was Kelly Brook - considering she’s only been with her latest hunk Thom Evans since November. But when the picture desk gave us a snap of her out in LA with a big belly instead of her normal disgustingly perfect flat one and even bigger boobs than her normal ample rack we knew something fishy was going down.

Our Editor was bang on it too and wanted us all over it, so after a call to Kelly’s people she crumbled and announced on Twitter she was expecting a little girl. Ahhhhh.

It’s all a bit weird. Especially considering Miss Non-Personality Brook spent NYE in Dubai with her ex Danny Cipriani.

Hmmmmm...

Anywaaaaay, big congrats Kelly and Thom!

Hurly Burly

I went to the press night of the Hurly Burly show at the Garrick theatre tonight. God, I blooming love that show. I saw it last year and loved it and enjoyed it just as much tonight.

Basically right, if you’re a girl and want to feel inadequate or if you’re a bloke and you want some boobies and bum in your life – The Hurly Burly Show is a must see.

In all seriousness, it’s the naughtiest night out you can get in the West End and so much fun. Beautiful burlesque dancer Miss Polly Rae and her six Hurly Burly Girlys take you on a provocative and hilarious journey…wearing next to nothing. It’s got a bit of a celeb following too. Kylie Minogue is a massive fan and was sat right behind me last year, so I’m pretty sure she’ll be popping along this run.

I used to do Burlesque dancing and it was so much fun and such a laugh – a bunch of girls trying to learn and perform dance routines with feather boers and gloves AND attempting to look sexy doing it. Hilarious. It was bloody good exercise too, everything used to kill after.

My teacher was the very lovely and incredibly beautiful Fallon and she only went and landed the gig as one of the six Hurly Burly Girls. I am so, so pleased for her and ridiculously proud.

It made watching the show even better tonight – I couldn’t take my eyes off her! She’s such a star. And a proper blonde bombshell.

She’s been moaning that she’s lost four inches from doing all the shows and has been told to eat chocolate and crisps. If I didn’t like her so much, I’d hate her.

It’s only on until May1st so hurry up and get your bum on a seat.

Lent

It’s the first day of Lent – hooray time to start giving up the good stuff.

I’m not exactly the most religious of people, but last year I just decided I’d give up booze for lent. It was tough and boring (for me) and frustrating (for people I was out with I’m sure) but I did it.

And by the end of the mammoth dry spell I was convinced I would no longer be a binge drinker. I honestly thought I would be able to glug a respectable two free champagnes and then politely decline any more.

Pah!

In reality I learnt nada. 

My first night back on the fun fizz I went to an event and managed to consume at least 14 glasses of free Rose Prosecco. Whadda mug. 

Had a bloody good time though...and then had a shocking hangover. Obviously.

Anyway, I like a challenge so I decided to do the lent thing again this year.

It feels like booze-free January’s only just jogged on, so dark choc has been given the chop.

Who needs that amazingness in their life anyway? Meh.

Bring on the 40 Days and 40 Nights (plus Sundays) of cold chocolate turkey.

Big Brother

Me and My Bro

I actually got to see my big bro today for the first time in six whole months. He’s verrrry clever and flies massive Emirates planes, which is amazing. But it also means that he now lives in Dubai with my sister in law and baby nephew which isn’t so amazing. Especially as we have always been really close – distance and relationship wise.

He flew into London and was on a 24 hour stop over so we crammed in as much QT as we could in the few hours we had.

It was Mamas and Papas birthday party so we went there for a few cheeky drinks and to get my nephew some presents. 

The first thing that fell out of my bro’s mouth when I told him where we were going was ‘Will Danielle Lloyd be there?’ (My bro has thought Danielle is bang tidy for as long as I can remember - shhh, don’t tell my sis in law!). I didn’t think she was coming, so his little face was a picture when she walked in with her footballer fella Jamie and their gorgeous baby Archie.

I hope the bro wasn’t happier about seeing her than he was about seeing me, although Danielle is very lovely.

Me with Danielle, Jamie and Baby Archie

Baby and celeb business done (Holly Willoughby was there too and her baby bump isn’t half as big as it looks on DOI – luckily for her, I’m guessing!), we went for a nice dins and then for a pot of tea and a slouch on some the comfy sofas.

It was so lovely to see him (despite his incredible tan) I really didn’t want him to have to go so soon.

But when we got to Hyde Park corner I had to get on one tube to head back to Fulham and he had to get another to head back to Victoria and then onto his Gatwick hotel.

His tube left first and I really had to fight back the tears as I waved him through the tunnel.

Man up Stephen, there’s always Skype.

Sunday, Lovely Sunday

I woke up this morning to find the jetslaaaag had finally left the building.
Thank F'ing G!
Clearly there was only one way to celebrate - necking three glasses of wine and getting mashed. While it was still daylight. Hooray.
People who live in London are funny about the area they live in. North Londoners think Hampstead and Primrose are amazing (and I do semi agree it's pretty lush around there) but for me, Fulham is just the bestest.
When I first moved to SW6 from Camden five years ago I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere. I'd been used to walking up to Hampstead and Primrose and schleping around Regent's Park and even walking into town in 30 mins so I felt like I was out in the wilderness with only the rubbish, highly unreliable District Line to help me.
But I soon realised Fulham is quite frankly the nuts.
I can walk across the bridge to Putney, along the Thames to Barnes, up to High St Ken, to Battersea park and to the King's Road all in about half an hour.
And the King's Road is exactly where I walked to today.

After pliates (which I go to because, quite frankly, it makes me feel young considering everyone else in the class is at least 50) I walked up to the King's Road to see my BFF Steph. Because of our stupidly busy schedules we haven't seen each other since scoffing a disgusting amount of chocolate at the Thorntons' b'day party back in Jan, so it was SO great to see her.
There's nothing like seeing your mates from school to make everything seem normal again.
We had a glass of wine with lunch...and then went to a lovely pub and had a couple more. Oops.
You've gotta love a Sunday arvo booze sesh. Especially when that Spring feeling is in the air.


I'm fully expecting to be asleep and dribbling on myself before the Dancing On Ice results show has even started.
Oh, the glamour.
*hic*

Prince’s Trust Spring Ball

I popped to the Prince’s Trust Spring Ball for a while tonight. 

I always love it when events are at The Hurlingham Club – not only is it a great venue, but it’s such a treat to actually be able to walk home.

I haven’t seen my very lovely friend Hannah from Reveal mag since the BRITs so it was great to see her for a girlie goss…and she’s just like me, a total sucker for a photo booth…

Me and Hannah

Me and Joe Calzaghe

I also chatted to one-time boxer, one-time Strictly Come Dancing contestant Joe Calzaghe. He was out in LA last week while I was there for meetings with agents and he told me tonight he’s actually been having acting lessons for the last nine months and is hoping to land himself a kick ass role as a baddie.

If Vinnie Jones’ Hollywood career is anything to go by, I don’t think I’d bother if I was Joe. Although I guess Vinnie has got a big fat pad in the Hollywood Hills so clearly starring in a few stinkers wasn’t all bad.

I had some banter with Zoe Salmon – she’s a bit batty, but so sweet – and ex-WAG Lizzy Cundy who announced she’s having a huge divorce party! She’s a proper funny one, the Cundy so knowing her it'll be a right lavish and boozy knees up.

I didn’t stick around for dinner, in fact I didn’t even sip any alcohol. My new best mate jetlag is still staying with me so I thought I better get home to keep the little bastard company.

When will it leave? When??

You’ve Gotta Be Kidding

When you’re trying to sleep off a week in LA and adjust back to UK time and cold weather, I think this is basically just enough to push you over the edge.

Ooo, that looks nice

I was so ruined I fell asleep at 9pm last night with the telly on but got woken from a 12 hour slumber by the clanking of metal and men shouting. So I looked out of my window and saw that.

They’re certainly not being shy with the scaffolding, are they?

Bloody hell, leave some for the rest of London.

I don't think I'll bother setting my alarm to wake me up for at least the next six weeks – I’ll just leave it to the metal and the shouting. That'll be so much nicer. Erm...!!

God I hate scaffolding. HATE IT.

*and breathe*

Yep, that Jetslaaaaag’s got a lot to answer for.

Not The Boot, Please Not THE Boot

I’ve got a poorly foot. Boo and hiss.

I fractured it a couple of summers ago and these days they don’t plaster up breaks, they give out truly hideous air-something-or-other boots.

So instead of getting my mates to sign my cast and draw penis’ and the like on it, I had to wear this thing…

Me Rocking The Boot Back In 2009

...ALL summer!

It’s the stuff nightmares are made of and by the end of it, I couldn’t even look at the vile outfit killer.

It did highly amuse me one day though when I was on the tube and I looked up and saw my Robo-boot twin. Naturally I had to take a sneaky photo…

Robo-Boot Twin

Anyway, I think I started running too soon after binning off The Boot so it hasn’t healed properly and now I have to have my foot sliced open, some bone cut off, some bone moved and then have it all pinned back together.

Lovely.

I knew it was coming, but it still didn’t make hearing the news today and facing the reality of not being able to walk for at least a month any easier.

I’m going to go actual bonkers not being able to run or do yoga or even just walk.

Aghhhhhhhh.

The surgeon wanted to do it next week, but I asked for a few weeks to prepare. Mentally.

So from April 6^th all grapes, flowers, books, DVDs and flat shoes (well, just the left one of the pair) and anti-depressants will be most welcome.